Tag Archives: Carlotta Champagne

Carlotta Champagne

Endorsement: @TheCarlotta Should Win #MissFreeOnes — Unless…

Ah yes, the Miss Freeones Contest is on right now, and in the category of Adult Model it’s clear that Carlotta Champagne should win. I am totally sure of this. No doubt in my mind. Who else but Carlotta Champagne should win?

Wait, Tessa Fowler is in this too? Oh, here we have a continuity error. I have previously said that Tessa Fowler is “pretty much winning the internet right now.” If Tessa is winning the internet, doesn’t that mean she must win Miss Freeones Adult Model category?

Fuck it! You people with your logic, always saying “If A and B, therefore C”… just go away. Tessa can win the internet and Carlotta can win Miss Freeones Adult Model and we can all get along. My endorsement stands. Vote Carlotta Champagne for Miss Freeones.

Visit Carlotta-Champagne.com and consider joining. Pray, pray, pray that someday Carlotta and Tessa will meet and their clothes will fall off (if A and B, therefore C). And then we will all win.

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Carlotta Champagne

Wish @thecarlotta a Happy Birthday and Gaze Upon her… Hips?

It is totally valid and understandable to proclaim that Carlotta Champagne has the world’s most perfect breasts. There is a case for it. I myself have had that thought more than once. They are really, really spectacular. But then, so is the whole package. And that brings me to something you might not be processing if you’re so laser-focused on the tits (as I can often be).

Carlotta Champagne has that perfect S-curve. That line of silhouette, starting at the ribcage, tapering to the waist and then flaring out to form incredibly attractive hips. No, really, you need to look at this girl’s hips, or her waist-to-hips region. It is just delightful. You know when they superimpose those little curlicues on a girl’s back (the first to do it was Man Ray, “Le Violon D’Ingres,” and she wasn’t all that) and compare her to the shape of a violin or cello? That’s what I see in Carlotta’s waist and hips. A rhythm to that curve that is musical, in its way. And it’s a miracle.

See, there are a lot of girls out there with great breasts, there are plenty on this site. But to have great breasts and this waist-to-hips curve… well, we’re really talking about an ideal figure. Say you were god, and you’d just taken a rib out of poor lonely Adam, and you were thinking, “Hmm, how should this ‘woman’ thing be shaped?” Well, god, this ‘woman’ thing should be shaped like this:

Carlotta Champagne

I dunno, even models as hot as Carlotta can be insecure about things and I know that by singling out such a feature I risk highlighting something she thinks is a flaw. Well, it most certainly is no flaw.

Today is Carlotta’s birthday; wish her a good one on twitter (@thecarlotta) and consider giving her the gift of your membership at her website, Carlotta-Champagne.com. It’s a gift to you both, really. (She also has a wish list.) Happy birthday, Carlotta.

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Carlotta Champagne

For #StarWarsDay it’s @thecarlotta as Naked Slave Leia!

As if all that Kemper Starwars-y goodness wasn’t enough for Star Wars Day (May the Fourth Be With You) — how about some naked Slave Leia? And not just any naked Slave Leia — this is naked Slave Leia by Carlotta Champagne, who has done a bunch of nudie posing for Playboy but also has her own site, Carlotta-Champagne.com. Carlotta is funny (see her with other nudie models in the Rag Mag Rejects) and cool (check her out on Tumblr and Twitter) and blessed with a flawless figure (again I direct you to Carlotta-Champagne.com).

This Slave Leia impression is nothing short of awesome. Enjoy!

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